


Stain My Couch, I'll Kill You

by ababadaboop



Series: That Escalated Quickly [10]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Blow Jobs, F/M, Frottage, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Recreational Drug Use, Trans Character, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-03-14 09:01:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13586745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ababadaboop/pseuds/ababadaboop
Summary: Mal has weed for the first time, and, unfortunately, Alex is not the one to discover that this makes her very horny.





	Stain My Couch, I'll Kill You

**Author's Note:**

> wanted to keep the summary short, so a bit more detail will be here instead  
> \- mal is over at a friend's house when she does pot  
> \- said friend finds her on the couch, horny and on the phone with alex  
> \- the situation is awkward for everyone involved, except for mal, who may be too stoned to care
> 
> **disclaimer: i have never done a weed, nor do i have any idea how it actually works. please enjoy the porn anyways.**

Alex’s phone is ringing. For the third time in as many minutes. He checks the caller ID, just in case - nope, it’s still her. He has a feeling she’s just going to keep calling, so… might as well. He answers the call.

“Aleeeeeex?”

“Yeah, Mal?”

“Hey, it’s you! Where- where are you, dude?”

“Holy shit, are you drunk?”

“Nooo…”

“You’re not- you can’t- Mal, you can’t drink, what the fuck?!”

“I’m not drunk, Lex,” she drawls, a low giggle sliding into her voice. “‘M  _ high.” _

“Oh. W- well, wait, why- why are you high?”

“Cay off’d- offered,” she corrects, “me some weed, and I guess I said yes, ‘cause now I’m stoned as  _ fuck, _ and I caaan’t really get up.”

“Jesus, where are you?” Alex grabs his keys from the counter. “And how much did you fucking  _ have?” _

“Like… three? And… one. Yeah, three and one. No, a half. Cay had the other half, we shared.”

“Three  _ what?” _ He grabs a pair of sandals and starts trying to get them on with his feet.

“Ed-i-bles,” Mal answers, enunciating the syllables. “And half a joint…”

“And you’re at…”

“Hir place. Couch. I, uh, can’t - well, shouldn’t? - get up. Can you come an’ get me? Please?”

“Yeah, I’m on my way.” Heading out the door now, in fact. “I hope this is just ‘you just haven’t had much weed before,’ and not ‘Cay gave you some bad shit.’”

“Yeaaah… ngh,” she groans.

“Are you okay? Are you sick?”

“Stop worrying so much,” is the answer, but with the “m” of “much” drawn out into what sounds suspiciously like a moan.

Alex shoves his phone into the holder stuck to his dash, then pauses. “Wait a fucking- Mal, are you  _ masturbating _ right now?!”

There’s an outburst of giggling from the phone. Alex drops his head onto the steering wheel. “Really? At Cay’s house, too?”

“I- ppph’arently… get horny when I’m stoned.”

“Good lord. Okay, I’m coming to get you. Try not to make too much of a mess, will you?”

More laughter from Mal’s end of the line, followed by a loud,  _ “What the FUCK.” _ A thud, then a scratchy muffling sound that Alex assumes to be Mal’s phone falling onto the floor. There’s the noise again, then the sound abruptly clears up. Someone put the phone on speaker.

A small  _ clunk _ as it’s set on a table, and then a loud, irritated voice speaks up.

“Alexander, you had better be driving your ass over here right the fuck now, because  _ your _ girlfriend is-”

“Masturbating on your couch?” he sighs.

“Yeah. That,” Cay answers. “Mal, for fuck’s- for  _ my _ sake, get your hand out of your pants, please?” A spate of giggling, then, “No, don’t you fucking touch me with that! Alex, please.”

“I know. I’m on my way. Passing eighth and fourth now, be there in just a few.”

“Thank fuck. This is- this isn’t something I ever wanted to see, Alex,” Cay says.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

A laughter-riddled “sorry” comes from the other end of the line.

“Can she actually get off the couch, or am I going to have to literally carry her out of there?”

Mal’s voice answers him. “I’m- I can try.” There’s a moment of shuffling, a grunt of effort, and then a loud  _ thump. _ “Nope!”

Cay groans. “God… damn it.” Alex can tell sie’s pinching the bridge of hir nose. “I hate y- no, I hate my _ self _ for giving her weed.”

“Really sorry about that, Cay. I’m on Vineyard now.”

“Thank god.”

“Alex?” Mal chimes in. “Alex, when y- no, Cay’s gonna kill me if I say that in front of hir.” She giggles.

“Oh my god,” Cay says again. This time, it sounds like sie’s got hir face in hir hands. There’s a lot of shuffling noises, with accompanying noises from Mal, and that seems to be it for Cay. “O-kay. Jesus christ. Ab-so-lute-ly not. I am leaving as soon as you fucking get here, because you’re not getting her out of here easy.”

“Oh no,” Alex groans. “What, is she just… being a ragdoll or something?”

“Uh… well, technically, yeah, but that’s not- that’s not the issue here.”

“What sie’s trying to say is, uh.” Mal giggles. “Is I will probably get charged with public indecency if you try and get me home, and, uh, possssibly distract you from driving?” More laughter.

“I cannot believe this is fucking happening,” Cay says.

“Basically, I’m t- uh, too horny to fucking function,” Mal concludes, dissolving into laughter. Cay’s faint “no…” can barely be heard in the background.

“I’m in your driveway. You can take my car if you want a quick getaway.”

“Thank fuck. I’ll take you up on that. Go ahead and hang up, I’ll be  _ right out.” _

Alex steps out of the car as he does so, not bothering to take the keys out of the ignition. And sure enough, Cay comes right out of hir door, almost running down hir stairs.

“Keys are in the car,” Alex says.

“Cool. I am begging you, don’t disturb the neighbors, and if you stain my couch, I’ll kill you.”

“I’m sorry!” Alex calls as Cay slides into the car.

“Don’t mention it,” sie answers. “Ever!”

The car door slams, and now Alex is faced with the concept of his girlfriend… in his friend’s house, stoned, and horny. His cock seems to be interested, at least. Well, now he  _ definitely _ shouldn’t be just standing out here. So he climbs the steps, shuts the door (securely) behind him, and turns around… only to immediately blush bright fucking red at the scene before him.

Mal is stretched out on Cay’s couch with her clothes and hair rumpled, flushed from hairline to neck. Her shirt is rucked up to her chest, and one hand is flung above her to grab at the fabric of the couch as she squirms. Her breath comes short, more whimpering than anything, and her face displays - quite clearly - an expression of almost-desperate arousal. He’s already breathless

Then he kicks off his shoes and walks out of the entryway, and  _ that’s _ what makes a sharp pang of arousal shoot through him, because Mal has her hand shoved down her pants and is jerking herself off in short, rapid strokes. That’s what’s riled her up so much. She must not notice Alex is there, because she’s taken completely by surprise when he leans down and kisses her.

“Alex!” Mal yelps. Her voice is a half octave higher. “Fuck, I didn’t realize you were here so fast.”

Before he even has time to respond, she pulls him down by his t-shirt into another, deeper kiss. It’s messy, clumsy, but the feeling of her lips pressed hard to his is so good, he doesn’t really care. She doesn’t seem intent on letting go any time soon, so he carefully swings a leg over her, attempting to kneel on the couch behind her, to get a better angle. But as he moves, Mal takes advantage of his lack of balance and yanks him down (by the belt loops on his jeans?) on top of her. Alex lands with his hips squarely planted on hers, knee shoved into the cushions, and an arm thrown over the back of the couch to keep his balance. He shuffles slightly, adjusting himself, and then he’s settled properly on top of Mal. It takes him a second to realize their erections are pressed together, and he gasps. Mal moans, grinding up into him, and he falls forward to brace himself with a hand on either side of her head.

She catches her breath, staring up at him, and grins. “Hi.”

“Hi to you too. Jesus christ.”

“I warned you. Tried to, at least, but Cay looked like sie was going to die of embarrassment.”

“Yeah. Well, now that you know what weed does to you, maybe don’t-  _ oh…” _

Mal has her hand directly over the bulge in Alex’s pants, rubbing in a way that really has no right to feel as good as it does. He gathers himself.

“Maybe don’t do weed at someone else’s house again, then. Because apparently, Cay’s gonna kill us if we stain hir couch.”

Mal does something that can only be described as “cackling.”

Alex, impulsively, decides that the best way to shut her up would be to roll his hips against hers, rubbing their cocks together. Even through four layers of clothing, it works. She squirms under him.

“Okay, get off me,” she says. “Any other time I’d love to have you sitting in my lap, but right now I need-”

“You need to be on top?” Alex asks, standing up. He can feel the heat in his cheeks. Mal nods frantically.

“Can you get- take- pants off. Please?”

“Yeah,” Alex breathes, undoing them as quickly as he can.

Mal scrambles off the couch - tries her best to, at least - and points to where she just was. “Get.”

Alex obeys, stretching out on the soft fabric. Mal finishes kicking off her pants and straddles him, almost immediately rutting against him. She plants her hands on either side of Alex’s head, steadying herself as she moves.

“I’m not- Alex, I’m not gonna last long this time,” she pants.

Alex’s hands go to her hips as he answers. “That’s okay.” He takes in the sight of her above him and feels another twitch of arousal in his cock. “Wait,  _ this time?” _

“It’s- I think I’m gonna need more than one,” Mal mumbles.

Alex arches his back, groaning. “Fuck, you’re gonna kill me here, Mal.”

She shakes her head, a silent dissent, but grabs his forearm, forcing his hand harder against her hip. “Touch me. Touch me, move me, push me, anything. Please.”

“Anything,” Alex echoes. He tightens his grip on her, pulls her down to rub their cocks closer together, and she whimpers. Her fingernails dig into his shoulder.

“Feels… feelssogood, Lex,” Mal gasps out. “‘M close.” She thrusts against him one, two, three more times and then she’s moaning Alex’s name as she comes over his clothed stomach.

Her weight is heavy on top of him, and he tries his best not to squirm while she recovers. It doesn’t take too long to blink her way back to reality, and she looks down between them, then back up.

“You didn’t come.”

“No. Not- not yet.”

“S- sorry about that. I’ll- I could suck you off?”

Alex nods enthusiastically. “Yes. Yes, that, please.”

“Sit up.”

He obeys, leaning back into the couch, bracing himself with hands beside his spread legs. And he’s soon glad he did, because Mal wastes no time getting down to business. She only presses a few wet kisses to his shaft before licking over the tip and promptly taking him into her mouth. It takes a lot of restraint to fight the instinct to fuck into the tight, slick heat. Mal must feel Alex’s resistance, because she gestures with one hand, a “go ahead” motion.

“You sure?”

“Mm-hmm.” 

Alex’s muscles contract at the vibrations on his cock, and he groans. But, carefully, he puts a hand to her head and jerks his hips upwards. She takes it easily, and that pulls another pleasured sound from him.

Her mouth tips him over the edge quickly, and he comes down her throat with a sound barely muffled by his hand.

“How was that, handsome?” Mal murmurs from between his knees.

“Good. Really fucking good.”

She flops back onto the ground, smiling up at him lazily. “C’mere. Wanna touch you.”

“I- Mal, I just came, I won’t be able to go again for, like, fifteen minutes.”

“Mmm… fine, then you touch me?” she asks. She’s already hard, and as Alex watches, her hand drifts down to her cock. In no time, Alex is stripping off his come-stained shirt, tossing it to god-knows-where, and kneeling down beside her.

He leans in to kiss her, holding her face with one hand as the other replaces hers on her cock. She hums happily and slides a hand up his leg, his hip… and onto his ass.

“Really?” Alex asks quietly.

Mal just giggles and pulls him back in for another kiss.


End file.
